there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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