My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
