Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
