When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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