So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
