we have pet lesbian snakes
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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