You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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