the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
