my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
