Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
