we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
