I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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