end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
