Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
