I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
