I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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