Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
