plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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