proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
