I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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