That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
