Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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