So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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