You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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