Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
