the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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