How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
