apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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