Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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