Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
