I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
