we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
