dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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