Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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