It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
