i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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