Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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