Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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