Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
