As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
