I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We are all done wearing pants today
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
