I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
