Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
