Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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