we made out on top of his cat.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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