Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
