The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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