Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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