I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
