I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
