After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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