Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
