im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
