I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
