I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
