You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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