well most of my day revolves around power hour
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
