I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
