Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Found the puke drawer
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
