I didn't shave. On purpose
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
