I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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