3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
COCAINE IS GR8
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
