Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My hand turned me down
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
