Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
