just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
