I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
