I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
