I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
