You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
