i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
