So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
